Emotions are running high….

I find myself very distracted.

My emotions are running wild. I get overly sensitive about everything. I can’t tell you where it came from. Perhaps its from these past fews and getting hurt. I let myself get hurt. I’ve opened up waaay to much to people I shouldn’t have. And because of that I’ve closed myself off. I feel like I can’t be myself around anyone anymore. I’m surrounded by friends who love me, yet I feel more alone than ever. I don’t feel like I have that special someone I can run to. I just bottle everything up. And sometimes I crack.

When I crack, the tears don’t stop.

*sigh

What’s wrong with me?

busy busy busy….

I’ve been busy! I’ve had almost no time to even sit and relax. But I love it. I’m not complaining at all that I’m busy. I got a new job! Wooo!! I’m still at Pizza D, but I will most likely be leaving at the end of June. Taking all of July off. I need a break from that place. I don’t know if I’ll stay there or not. But I do have a much better job that I love. And I get to work with my bestie Jade! Life is FINALLY getting better.

But I’m busy now, so I can’t write a lot. LOL

I’m leaving for Havasu in like 22hours!! WHOOP!!

Till next time…

I’ve got a lot on my mind…

I just got in, yes another, fight with my mom. In an attempt not to go crazy or bust a cap in her ass (not literally) I’m going to write. Do you remember in school when you had to write in your journal for 15mins without stopping? I’m gonna try to do that now. Well, not 15mins, but write whatever comes to mind.

Lets start with world “issues.” Here is a list of shit I am sick of hearing about:

• Swine Flu: Its just another form of the flu! If you stupid people knew anything, you would know the the flu is constantly reshaping…this is why there are so many terms for it. Its just the flu. Take your vitimins and relax. Oh, and stay away from Mexico.
• The ecomomy, or recession: Ya, we get it. We’re up a creek. If you look back in history, this is a cycle. Things will get better. Take your vitemins and relax. Oh, and stay away from Mexico.
• American Idol: For the love of God, are we over this yet?
• “Spidey”: (or however the F#(@ you spell it) Heidi and Spencer. They are famous for being stupid rich kids and acting like total assholes on TV. They are NOT talented.

I’m sure there’s more bull, but those are the latest on my list of annoyances. Hope ya’ll enjoyed that. And now for a fun list…

Its a list of 15 people in my life, good, bad, friends, whatever. No particular order, and I will not tell you who each person is. That’s the fun part!

1. You suck and I have undying anger towards you.
2. You’re the best. I laugh the hardest with you, or at you. Mostly with you. You’ve been there for me through a lot. We were quick to become best friends, and I love it. I love you. Without you, I would most likely be dead. Even though you won’t read this, (because you live under a rock in a huge house with no cable and no internet. How do you live?!) I want you to know you mean the world to me. And just because I have a new job doesn’t mean we won’t be friends anymore! Gah!
3. You’ve tossed me aside one too many times. Although I love you with all my heart, and I always will, I can’t do it again. I can’t be there for you to only have you turn around and ditch me for some new girl you meet. I will forever cherish the short friendship we had. The nights we went to church together and talked for hours was great. You and I have been through SO MUCH together. We’ve both changed. But one thing that won’t change is the unconditional love I  have for you. I still hold you and your family very dear to me. But I have to cherish you from a distance. I can’t take the pain of losing another friend. I wish all the best for you in the future.
4. You’re there whenever I need you. You offer the best advice. You are family to me. Shoot, you even call my grandpa, Grandpa! You are one of my best friends, and always have been. You’re the onlyfriend I have that has stuck around, and for that I love you! You’ve grown so much over the past 6years, I am SO proud of you. You’ve proven to me, that with faith, anything can happen =)
5. Even though we don’t talk very much, you are still very dear to my heart. I feel like we had a stupid falling out, and I hate it. But you still made me your maid of honor. No matter what happens, I love you. I am by your side through whatever decision you make. You’ve showed me that there are some good people out there. Wanna have a night at the District?
6. You’re moving, and that sucks. In fact, I’ve never told you this, but it breaks my heart. However, I am SO happy for you! This is the opportunity of a lifetime! Thank you for being a great friend. You were there when I was heart broken. You make me laugh everytime I see you. Even when I’m grumpy. Thank you for everything. “I’m so glad I found you, I love being around you….”
7. You’re so pretty, it makes me jealous! You’re so fun to be around! I enjoy your company so very much!
8. FIZZLE FIZZLE! I miss the hell outta you! Now that we’re both single lets go find a “baby’s daddy.” Buuhahaaa! Ok seriously, lets party, I miss you. You’ve been through so much and I’m so proud of you for not going completely crazy =) if you do, take me with you.
9. I’ve really got to know you these past few months, and I’m so grateful. One of my inspirations. Thank you for being my friend! Funny how you lived like a block from me and we just met a year ago! Love it.
10. You’re like a brother to me. I don’t mind being a 3rd wheel when I hangout with you. Thanks for putting up with my man bashing, considering you’re a man. Now that I think about it, you’re the only man in my life to not hurt me. (well except for my brother and grandpa)
11. My 1st crazy bar night was with you. Even though you and I have lost friends over these years, you and I managed to keep it together. You make me blush. You’ve spoiled the shit outta me! You are one of the best guys I know.
12. We’ve grown very far apart. Even though we aren’t very good friends anymore you will always mean so much to me! SINCH.
13. I hate you. Give me the $80 I let you borrow in November.
14. You’ve changed SO much from when I 1st met you. You’ve made a complete 180. And I love it. I am so proud of you. You have a heart of gold and you share it with everyone. I feel close to you, like a brother.
15. You are awesome.

Wow…that was hard to do, and it took a long time.

Till next time <3<3

Path of self destruction?

 I’m going down a path of destruction. Could be. Not necessarily physical damage. I’m not getting drunk every weekend or anything. Emotionally I’m being destroyed. But would that be self destruction? I dwell on the past. For Y-E-A-R-S. Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who just don’t give a shit. Someone with a heart made of ice. Maybe that way, I’d stop getting hurt.

Whoa, I just opened up WAAAY too much.

I got a second job!

Finally have some time to write….

Where did I leave off? Who knows? Oh ya…being distracted. Well I got the paper done, in pretty good time I might add!

Work has been absolute hell lately. For the past 3 weeks I’ve been dealing with the most ridiculous shit. Tips have been horrible. I work my ass off, and for what? Shitty tips. I can’t pay the bills with a 5% tip. Jerkls. Don’t get me started on how stupid people are too. Ok, I’ll give you one example. We have pizza boxes posted on the wall with the size written in big letters. This guy comes in today, points right at the box that says “LARGE” on it and says, “what size is that?” SERIOUSLY?! For the love on God people, open your eyes and read!!!

Life has been rough lately, but I’m getting through it. I’m having fun, living life.

I had some girl time with Jade and Nicole a few weeks ago. It was nice. Got a lot off my shoulders. It was super fun. We played a game of kings cup..yes…just us 3 =)

Spring season of softball ended last night. We had a hell of a time. Didn’t win, but had a lot of fun. One of the most entertaining games we’ve ever had. I actually got some good hits, I GOT ON BASE! And I scored a run. Wonderful!

I’ve made it my goal to go to more Angel games this season. Jack and I went to the game on April 8th, the night Nick Adenhart died =( So sad…don’t even get me started on that. Jack and I had a blast! I’m going to another game on Saturday with Tawnya and hopefully Kat and Kristin. Make it a girls night. It shall be fun!

Life is hard…but its good ❤

and here are some pics to fill in the gaps!

 

just a great picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

I too, have been busy…

In fact, I shouldn’t even be writing now. I’m supposed to be working on a paper. But instead I find myself distracted. I’m easily distracted from things I have to do, like homework or cleaning. But I can’t seem to get distracted from the everyday drama called My Life. *hmmph.

I should get back to the paper, and I will. Till next time, I will update more. I promise.

❤